Does this picture inspire confidence? Two (two!) toilet bowl plungers at the ready. Even one plunger in a restroom cubicle would be enough to give a person pause.And did I pause? Only for a matter of seconds. When you gotta go, you gotta go… A full bladder demands respect.There was one other cubicle - with a symbol marking it as wheelchair accessible and with no plunger in sight. Tempting, but I could not bring myself to use it. What if a person in a wheelchair had to avail themselves of the facilities and I was caught using that one? I’d have felt so guilty…just terrible. Would I have been reported? Fined? Is my reluctance to flaunt the rules a Canadian thing (so polite, obedient & accommodating) or is it simply a Beth thing?Pleased to report the use of a plunger wasn’t required. But I certainly scooted out of that stall ASAP after flushing. And I wonder - would I have actually used the plunger had the toilet overflowed? Am I THAT accommodating?If I thought I’d feel awkward being caught in the other cubicle, imagine how I felt at the thought of being caught taking a picture of a toilet! What a bizarre fetish…
I got nuthin’.
Both mind and body are drifting elsewhere these days.
So, all you get is this photo for your viewing pleasure, amusement and/or consternation.
Yup, it’s me – about ten years ago.
Perhaps you’re wondering - is that the look she presented to the world back then?
I’ll leave you to it.
I’m either brave or crazy to have posted this picture.
I’m going with a bit of both.
Where the hell did April go?
And where the heck has Beth been for the past few days?
(told you my week was gonna be crazy busy….)
Speaking of crazy – here’s a vignette from my life to illustrate both the word itself and what it is like to be me.
Last night I’m digging into my Swiss Chalet “¼ chicken dark with fries” meal all by myself because I was ravenously hungry and refused to wait for the boys who were delayed by traffic and lousy weather and as I’m wrestling with the pesky little chicken bones my mind starts to wander off (as it is wont to do) and a phrase pops into my head.
“Still she haunts me, phantom-wise….”
Who (other than me) thinks of that kind of a line while eating chicken???
Now I’m digging into the fries and it’s killing me that I can’t remember where that line came from. I know it’s in my journal of quotations but I’m too lazy to go all the way upstairs and get it. And really, why wouldn’t I just finish my dinner and check it out later? OH NO. I wipe my greasy french frie fingers and go over to my computer and Google the words.
I find the source and return to my dinner - quite satisfied and very pleased with myself. (For those of you who are interested, the line is from Through the Looking Glass by Lewis Carroll - CHAPTER XII.)
Can you imagine being me? Being the kind of person who would do that? Living a life where words take precedence over eating? I’m used to my quirks but there are times even I pause and wonder….
Just as you are probably wondering about this post.
I’m fine. Really. {twitch twitch}
Mature, responsible, reflective and intelligent posts will resume shortly.
Photo Credit: www.flickr.com/photos/surrealmuse/4757004/
All the comments/guesses left on my last post were intriguing, amusing and certainly gave me pause - particularly regarding point # 5 - OWNING ONE DRESS.
Yes, folks, amazingly enough, this is TRUE. And while that previous post was entitled “Inanity, ” the title of this one should be “Anomaly” because I’m feeling a bit like one. While I thought mentioning only having one dress might prove interesting, I never thought it would end up being considered the biggest (shocking) lie.
I’m torn between considering myself an oddity or viewing my wardrobe lapse in a more positive light – that it makes me unique and special. Oddball is currently winning out.
The dress I own is a LBD - à la Coco Chanel’s advice. As in, every woman should own a Little Black Dress. I’m thinking I took her advice to the extreme, that she didn’t mean only owning a LBD.
For those eye rollers out there, take heart: a) I used to own more dresses b) I have some very nice skirts and c) I must buy another dress for a July wedding. Not looking forward to that challenge. Again, this makes me weird. Let’s face it. I’m not a girly-girl. So be it.
On to the other points.
#1 – True. I have never eaten a hash brownie but this is on my list of things to do before I die.
#2 – False. My singing voice is terrible but I don’t care. I will sing to my heart’s content.
#3 – True. I have ridden a galloping horse across a field. I was terrified, thought for sure I was going to die but once I learned to trust the horse (who was definitely in control) I loved the experience.
#4 – False. I have never been stuck in an elevator but it is one of my big fears. I just know the urge to go would strike immediately. I wonder how long I would last before I actually…oh, never mind…
#5 – True. Meh. (See above.)
#6 – True. I patted the ear of an elephant while taking part in a “Bathe the Elephants” outing. I love elephants! (Does this make me even weirder when added to the one dress fact?)
#7 – True. I will pick the peas out of any dish in which they appear and will not eat them when served on their own. I hate peas. (A waitress once noted my pile of uneaten peas and told me I should finish them. I don’t think so, sweetheart. Even my mother couldn’t get me to eat them.)
#8 – True. I most certainly did yell at a police officer. In fact, there was more than one officer in the police station who felt (heard) my wrath. I don’t think they issue tickets or make arrests when dealing with feisty, protective mothers who are RIGHT.
So, there you have it. My two lies and my six truths – one of which caused some consternation and surprise. To all of us.
To those of you who managed to get one correct answer – congratulations and enjoy your brief moment of (inane) satisfaction. Only one person – “mp” – correctly choose the two false things. And that doesn’t count because she’s one of my sisters!
VE of VE’s Fantastical Nonsense tagged me with a meme that involves noting six things or habits about myself that are of no importance. I’m assuming this means of no importance to anyone else because of course everything I do is important to me. (At least nine times out of ten.)
VE changed the rules when he did the meme. I’m following his lead in changing things up primarily because I don’t know what the original rules are.
(Note – I vowed last December I would no longer take part in memes, tags, awards, etc. – not because I dislike them but because I suffer such angst passing them along. Whom do I choose?? What if they don’t want to do it?? I’m making an exception in this case because although my brain is currently running on empty, I’d like to keep my hand (or foot) in the blogging world rather than disappearing from the scene.)
I’ve listed eight things – two of which are false. I’m curious as to how well people who read my blog think they know me. If you feel so inclined, try to guess the two items for which I am a liar, liar, pants on fire…
1. I have never eaten a hash brownie.
2. My singing voice is quite good.
3. I have ridden a galloping horse across a field.
4. I have been stuck in an elevator (and within a matter of seconds felt the urge to visit the loo).
5. I own one dress.
6. I have patted the ear of an elephant.
7. I will pick the peas out of anything served to me.
8. I have yelled at a police officer.
Sorry – there are no prizes for being correct other than a fleeting moment of satisfaction as to being right about something that is of no importance…
Okay, now for the hard part. For me. Hate doing this, hate having to choose…
(In alphabetical order.)
AMC – Because his blog posting is even more erratic than mine. And while I don’t think he’ll actually do it, it’s worth a shot. He can be very amusing.
Beth – Because she’s funny, willing to “tell all” and I figure her list will be a hoot.
Oreneta – Because she’s a good sport and has led such a fascinating life it will be difficult to spot her falsehoods.
The Bodhi Chicklet – Because she’s (still) a fairly new and wonderful blog find and I’d love to know more about her. Even her lies. (I know you’re on vacation this week…)
Trish – Because she is such a sweetheart (so much “nicer” than me!) and I’m betting she can surprise us all with her list.
Recently received in my Rogers In Box:
Sender: durante rupert
Subject: you look really stupid estewart
Yes, but do I look like I just crawled out from under a rock?
And that wasn’t very nice, durante.
Somebody out there in cyberspace is losing their touch composing junk mail subject headings that are meant to tempt me to open them.
You don’t use insults.
I’m more likely to check out* the idiotic junk mail about sexual prowess (and other naughty stuff) than click on the one noted above.
If I really want to see myself looking stupid, I can look in the mirror.
And, hey - you are really stupid durante rupert.
So there.
*(I do not check out yucky porn junk mail.)
Post Script To My Last Post: To all who actually believe I am hosting a Christmas party – give your heads a collective shake! I haven’t been out of the house in a week. Although I do like my “bring a gift” idea. Pure genius.
I was tagged by Psychgrad of The Blogging Wagon to share 7 random and/or weird facts about myself.
This tag came at an opportune time because my brain is still not functioning at full capacity and I decided to cheat. Yes, cheat. I’m going to use some (not all) of the random facts I posted way back in time when my readership was, um, – how shall I say this and be kind to myself? – not quite at the level it is today.
(To anyone who recognizes these facts, bless you for still being with me.)
1. I have been known to *ahem* emit a burp (or two) at the dinner table. Never with company and never as a guest at someone’s home or in a restaurant. I know my manners but I happen to believe that burping is good for you.
2. I carry loose change in my pockets for the homeless — those who beg on the streets. I don’t care if they buy booze and cigarettes with this money.
3. I usually eat Cornflakes or Shreddies (healthy stuff) but occasionally indulge with Sugar Crisp Cereal. When I do, I add brown sugar. Many people find this appalling and/or crazy. I don’t care. I love the taste of brown sugar.
4. I absolutely detest intolerance of any kind — racial, religious, sexual — you name it. I either get furious, sad or extremely, deathly silent when I encounter it.
5. I keep my finger nails cut short. Yes, my nails are healthy and strong but I fidget with them when they get too long. And I don’t wear nail polish because it makes my fingers sweat. (I think that’s all in my head, but, nevertheless, my fingers do get sweaty).
6. Although I consider myself an intelligent woman, I can be naïve beyond belief. (Or “out of it.” I prefer naïve.) Ask my children. I am a reliable source of laughter for them. (Right guys? Cougar, BFF, FUBA….)
7. I own the infamous pregnant Midge doll – you know, Barbie’s best friend and the one Wal-Mart pulled from its shelves in 2002 for being inappropriate? My sister gave it to me for my birthday that year to make up for the fact our mother tossed ALL MY BARBIE, KEN AND MIDGE DOLLS while I was away at university. Nothing can make up for that travesty. (Thanks anyway, Zig.)
So, there you go….
These facts are really more random than weird, right? ‘Cause I know there are some people who consider me to be (at times) nucking futs. I thought of asking these people for some tips as to weird facts but thought better of it. I’m a little sensitive these days.
I’m going to tag the following people:
Oreneta
Sherry
Eileen
Shari
Charlotta
Bec
Barrie
Here are the tag rules:
1. Link to the person who tagged you and post the rules on your blog.
2. Share 7 random and/or weird things about yourself.
3. Tag 7 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.
4. Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
(This is a fairly long post but I’m still not 100% back in action. It took me a few days to write it. Please ignore any mistakes.)
I’ve been tagged by AMC (AKA Anonymous) to list eight things about myself.
I find these random list tags intriguing - each tidbit reveals a little something about those who complete them. The clues are in the written word! Right up my alley.
The meme instructions:
1. Post the rules, then list eight things about yourself.
2. At the end of the post, tag and link to eight other people.
3. Leave a comment at those sites, letting them know they've been tagged, and asking them to come read the post so they know what to do.
I’ve decided to list my quirks and/or oddities. (Surely I can come up with eight?)
1. I wear my watch on my right wrist. I am right handed. I’ve been told that I should wear my watch on my left wrist. Never have. And short of losing my right arm, the watch will remain there. (Note - I never use the expression, “I’d give my right arm for that…”) When I received my first watch as a child – bingo – it went on my right wrist. I have no idea why. It felt right. Still does.
2. I hate wearing socks. I also hate wearing shoes. Being Canadian, this poses a bit of a problem in the winter. (In the summer - bare feet or flip flops.)
3. My pen of preference is a blue fine point. I’ll make do with others if I must but they just don’t feel right.
4. When I leave the house I do what my kids refer to as my “off, off, off… routine.” I must be sure everything that could possibly cause a fire or inexplicably explode is off. And, yes, I realize this is indicative of OCD. I live with it. (I’m not completely insane – a friend’s washing machine once got on fire. Shit happens.)
(I’m having difficulty thinking of other weird things - probably because they all seem perfectly normal to me.)
5. Oh, yeah. Here’s another one. I make lists. I keep a small pad of paper on the kitchen counter re: things I MUST DO. This would be quite acceptable except for the fact I also put up yellow post-its elsewhere as back-up. My mind is a sieve.
6. I still have my paper doll collection from when I was a kid. I’m sure it’s now worth millions of dollars. Unfortunately, my boys were never interested in it. I’m hoping for a grand-daughter. I will make her play with me.
7. I don’t like wearing jewelry. I do have some good pieces but usually forget to wear them. My ears are not pierced. The thought of putting holes in my ears makes me cringe. I don’t wear rings because I fidget with them. (And drive myself nuts.) I don’t wear nail polish because it makes my fingers sweat. (I think that’s all in my head, but, nevertheless, my fingers do get sweaty).
8. I hate clothes shopping. I suspect my genetic make-up is lacking in a certain female chromosome.
Okay, I’m on a role…but that’s quite enough. Thank God I’m only required to list eight. I’m beginning to think I’m strange.
And there’s a depressing theme emerging here. Perhaps I should write a book entitled:
“Feminine Traits – You Can Live Without Them”
Author – Elisabeth (Yes, I’m Female) Stewart
I’m not going to tag anyone because I find doing so extremely awkward.
What if they don’t want to be tagged??? What if they roll their eyes and emit a great big sigh because I’ve put them on the spot??
However, to anyone who is reading this - feel free to do this meme. It’s kinda fun to do. And let me know if you do it – I’ll put a link to your blog here.
Oreneta’s June 1st post reminded me of a crazy item I read in yesterday’s Globe and Mail.“Russell Parrish, 29, of Florida has been turned down for more than two dozen jobs in the past few months. "It comes down to skin colour," he told The Orlando Sentinel. Mr. Parrish has dozens of tattoos that cover his arms, hands, torso and neck. He has launched an advocacy group to fight for the rights of the heavily tattooed.”What next?? An advocacy group for those scarred from body piercing?(Neither mutilation for me, thanks. My body is a temple. Hah. Hah. The Temple of Doom, maybe…)Choices and consequences, people, choices and consequences…
