“She does not miss Richard. When he moved out, his absence felt more like a new presence than a subtraction.  The sweet calm that took up residence after he left filled more space than his human form and colossal ego ever did.  She did not miss him then or now.”

Lisa Genova

Every Note Played

“And so you turned…and stood beside him on that corner, and when he cocked his head to look you up and down, waiting ever so long to smile but finally doing it, it did not mean that you were beautiful, it meant that you had a chance, just a chance, to see this being again, to find out what was in there, and it didn’t matter what you found out, in the end, because no one on earth would ever flash through you and light you up like he did.”

Golden Age – Jane Smiley

(M.J.)

"The music in his laughter had a way of rounding off the missing notes in her soul."

  Gloria Naylor

Good News/Bad News

Good News

My youngest began his clerkship (or, as it’s called in the U.S. and on medical television shows, internship) this fall.  His first placement is with the Psychiatry Department of a local hospital.

Bad News

I overheard him talking with one of his brothers – he’s ACTUALLY spent some time considering diagnoses that might be suitable for me!!  His dear sweet mother.  I’m not quite sure whether to be touched by his concern or pissed off that he thinks I’m nuts.  Or borderline nuts.  It’s one thing for me to admit to a certain (minor) level of craziness – it’s another to be labeled certifiably so.

Good News

He couldn’t find one!  Apparently, my (few) obsessive traits, astounding leaps of logic and quirky uniqueness don’t even come close to being considered a medical condition worth labeling or diagnosing. 

“So far,” he noted.  Ominously.

“Best watch yourselves,” I responded.  “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.  Actually, there’s no way it possibly could unless there was a fierce wind, but anyway, apples falling from trees might land on your head so be careful in apple orchards.  And always listen to your mother.”

They exchanged glances and grins.  I grinned, too.  I was just messing with their minds.  Truly.

The fact the above makes perfect sense to me?  I’m not telling any of my kids –particularly son # 3.  I happen to think complete sanity is highly overrated.  I’m also going to start keeping some of my thoughts to myself.

photo credits: google images

Time and Tide Wait for No (Wo)man

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If forty is the new thirty, fifty the new forty, sixty the new fifty and so on – when do you ever get a chance to relax?  To age gracefully with peace and dignity?

If the above are rallying cries for holding on to one’s youthful spirit and enthusiasm - great.  But if they’re merely in regard to appearance?  Then I find them oppressive, time consuming and ridiculous.

I’ve decided to embrace aging.  Not to the extent of finding each wrinkle endearing and letting everyone know its origin (“…and this one was created when I accidently dropped my second son over a cliff…”) but in the sense of withdrawing from the battle, the laying down of weapons.  Which isn’t particularly difficult to do since I’ve never been fully engaged in the battle.  My only weapon has been hair dye.*  However, I’ve always been very aware of that not-so-subtle pressure to RETAIN YOUR YOUTHFUL LOOKS.  I’ve finally had enough.  I’M NOT LISTENING ANYMORE.

I don’t count basic moisturizer a weapon, I don’t wear make-up (skin sensitivity) and I’ve never had “work” done.  Truly.  Unless you count wart removal cosmetic surgery.  Which I don’t and nor should you.  A wart on the bottom of your foot really, really hurts – but I digress…

As for those five lbs. that keep coming and going?  Well, they’re welcome to stay.  I’m not fighting them any more.  Those determined little buggers can take over the areas they’ve been coveting for years – my belly and hips.  I don’t care.  Mi casa es su casa.

If my sisters and certain friends are reading this, I promise I will not let myself go completely.  I will maintain certain standards and you’ll still be okay being seen with me in public.  I just might look like your mother rather than a contemporary.  And I’ll be wearing an always-in-fashion, ageless, contented and happy smile. 

 an unretouched photo depicting a DIY wrinkle remover gesture by a crazed woman

*Confession – a bit of vanity remains - I think I’ll give up the hair dye next summer – have my head shorn - retreat to the cottage and see what appears…