Once upon a time, there was a woman who led a wonderful life. One day, she woke up from that dream - or, rather, was rudely awakened from it.
Upon awakening, she analysed the dream and came to the conclusion that the mind possesses an incredible ability to see only what it wants to see, to compromise and adapt to circumstances it never should and that (amazingly enough) the heart is capable of feeling love where none exists.
That woman no longer entirely trusts her mind and heart – but that is a good thing. (She thinks.) She is wary and cautious but still has the capacity to love and experience joy.
As she proceeds with her new life (which is not a dream) she has discovered things about herself that lay dormant far too long. One such thing is happiness. She had no idea how deeply buried that sense of joy and delight in herself and in life had been. So much of the happiness she experienced in that dream had been an illusion.
She has also discovered that despite having experienced repeated betrayals, unjust treatment and unwarranted harsh words for well over a year, she has the strength to absorb such things and remain standing – remain strong.
That doesn’t mean such cruelty doesn’t send her reeling – it does. But never long enough to destroy her newfound happiness or send her into retreat.
Sadly, she has recently come to the conclusion that being strong is not enough. She too must begin to use weapons in the battle. She’s not 100% sure of her ability to do this. It is so not her. And yet, perhaps it is - now. It is who she has become – against her will but out of necessity.
Empowered by frustration and anger, she has finally set in motion certain events. She is no longer willing to endure this ordeal simply hoping for a fair and just outcome.
Is she apprehensive? Of course she is. She would be a fool not to be. But she adheres to the belief that true courage means proceeding despite one’s fear.
Her biggest fear? It is not her adversary. Her biggest fear is that the essence of who she is and always has been will change as she makes use of weapons she has never held before. That person would be missed.
Without a doubt, this is the most personal post I have ever written. I do so for various reasons – one of which is to explain that there is so much more to the person I reveal on this blog, so much more going on in my life. It has always been my choice as to what I write but there are times I feel I have created a fictional character because I have left out so much. The good, the bad, the happy, the sad – it is all me.
And to my children (who may read this) – my apologies for any and all hurts you have suffered and will suffer. Know that my happiness and love for you has never been a dream. It is so very real.