So, Friday I’m on my way to a social function and dressed accordingly. Always a challenge but one I can handle.
Do a quick check in the mirror (tags showing? deodorant on smoothly?) and note a stray piece of fabric hanging out the right armhole of my sleeveless blouse. Yank at it. Fwap. Ouch. Not a thread. A piece of elastic from my (new) bra.
Try yanking again – carefully. No go. I have ten minutes before it’s time to leave. Grab scissors. Cannot manipulate hands, arms and scissors to perform amputation of said piece. Whip off blouse and bra and successfully remove wayward elastic. Note another loose piece. Damn. No longer trust this bra. Total disintegration a possibility.
Root around in drawer for another one. Favourite bra not an option – not party quality. Other (newish) bra drying in laundry room. Grab a pristine white one. Realize why it’s pristine - it makes me crazy – it’s a no clasp bra.
Five minutes to pick-up.
Pull bra down over my head – straps are all twisted, cup portion also twisted and ends up resting above my chest. Adjust accordingly. (Note to self – never again buy a no clasp bra.)
Blouse back on. Good to go. Another quick glance in the mirror. Put hands in pants pockets to get the total, cool effect. (Ha.) Shit. Thread hanging out of a pocket. This can be cut off without removing pants. Bonus.
No more looking in the mirror. No longer care and have no time to deal with whatever flaw I might find.
Run downstairs, grab purse. Made it. My drive has arrived.
Lean over to put on sandals. Straighten up. Note (slight) wedgie. Bloody hell. Twist around to see if it’s visible. Nothing from this angle but who knows? No time to change slacks and/or underwear (whichever may be the culprit – could be a combination of the two.) Will spend the evening discreetly dealing with it. Or never sit down.
I would like attend a party where t-shirts, old bras, shorts and flip-flops are the required dress.