Saturday, April 11, 2009

Private Message/Public Forum

Found in my email this morning - and not in the Junk Folder.
My response follows.


HELLO QUEEN ELIZABETH-ANY CHANCE I COULD BE YOUR PERSONAL MUSE OR CABANA BOY?
Saturday, April 11, 2009 1:33 AM
From: "Neil_______ @aol.com" <_______>

To: estewart@rogers.com

Hello Miss Elizabeth I read your blog and I see you are looking for your own little personal muse or Cabana Boy!
I would LOVE to SERVE you if you are interested.
Here are my contacts if you so desire:

W W W . M Y S P A C E . C O M /Neil_______

MY YAHOO INSTANT MESSANGER IS:_______

MY CEL PHONE IS:________

AND MY DIRECT E-MAIL ADDRESS IS: ________ AT A O L . C O M

-NEIL OR KNEEL AT YOUR PERFECTLY PEDICURED PALE WHITE WHITE WHITE FEET ALWAYS-!!!


Dear Neil,

I so do not have such a desire…for a variety of reasons.

I have no need for a Cabana Boy – don’t own a pool and have no plans to go south any time soon.

I don’t think the “musing” you’re referring to would aid me in my writing endeavours.

I’m not too keen on your play on words – Neil/Kneel. And FYI, I haven’t had a pedicure in months.

Referring to me as a Queen will get you nowhere. I’m not the princess-ey/queen type. The only thing I’d want served is my dinner.

You don’t use spell check.

But the greatest reason for my lack of interest? YOU SPELT MY NAME WRONG – IT’S ELISABETH WITH AN “S” – NOT A “Z”!!!

Regards,
Elisabeth

P.S. Thanks for reading my blog – although I believe your interpretation is way off…



You’ll notice I left out the pertinent details regarding Neil’s contact information. If anyone is looking for a Cabana Boy or their “own little personal muse” let me know. I’ll pass along the information.

And, yes, I regret opening this message. Neil better not be passing along a virus…

18 comments:

The Guy Who Writes This said...

You should have signed it "Ill regards"

Deidra said...

Oh my goodness! That is just too funny! I had to read it twice. Really, is he serious?

The Bodhi Chicklet said...

As tempting as it all sounds, I would decline too. I really am a do-it-yourself-er. You know, it you want something done right...Good thing it's not April 1st or I would have thought you're pulling our legs.

Psychgrad said...

So...does this mean you don't want the Cabana Boy I directed to your blog?

Kidding.

sherry lee said...

Well at least he didn't "promise" you a bigger penis....then again, who knows "what" a Cabana boy carries in his pockets!

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

Some bloggers have all the luck.

First Dooce with her NY Times bestseller book, and now you with offers from cabana boys.

*sigh*

;-)

oreneta said...

Oh my goodness, you get such interesting spam!

rebecca said...

Well, good for you girl, you sure know how to respond! That was mint.

Beth said...

guy;
Or, "Regrets - not!"

deidra:
If he is, he's out of luck!

bodhi chicklet:
You are such a sweetheart...I think??
Your comment cracked me up - because I'm not so sweet...

psychgrad:
You mean he contacted you first? Shucks.

sherry lee:
In this case, size does not matter. ;)

cheri:
I'd take a New York Times bestseller (for real) over a cabana boy - in a heartbeat.

oreneta:
Is it? Is it really spam???
Bwahahaha...!!

rebecca:
I didn't actually send that reply to him!

Cheryl said...

Beth,
I'm sorry, that would leave me a bit unsettled. Do you think it is someone you know, just having fun or a stranger. I love how you handled it, too funny. I just hope it doesn't trigger him to continue.

Have a Happy Easter! Eat your chocolate and find lots of peace.

Laura said...

So Neil didn't quite make the cut. You have to wonder about people. Then again, looking at the world you have to wonder that fewer wierdos express themselves so often. He should definitely go to Craig's List.

cipriano said...

My guess is that Kneel DOES have a virus, probably.... but not of the cyber-kind. Of the venereal kind!

Beth said...

cheryl:
If "Neil" continues, I'll continue - to delete!
Happy Easter to you and all your family.

laura:
From what I hear (read!) Craig's List is just the place for him. ;)

cip:
And yet another reason to decline (ignore) his offer!

VE said...

Now if it had been one of your handyman fix-it guys...different story! ;)

Barrie said...

Did you you check to see if it was a virus? Other than that, it was funny!

Charlotta-love said...

My favorite is the last line. As if buttering you up wasn't enough, he added "white white white feet".

Wow.

Just think, you could have a glass slipper on those white, white, white feet!

LipstickOne said...

comedy...

Attila The Mom said...

I really need someone to mow my lawn.

I've got someone else to trim my bushes, however. LOL