Friday, September 05, 2008

Where's the Bucket of Water?!



Three bloggers – Guy, Oreneta and Eileen – have recently posted about the enjoyment to be had sitting by a bonfire.

Okay, so I get it that sitting around a campfire is a great opportunity to experience camaraderie, the great outdoors, etc., etc. but I’m just not capable of truly enjoying it. And it’s not as if I haven’t experienced enough of them. I have.

Here’s why you will rarely see Beth at a bonfire - or if she does deign to plunk herself down by the fire-pit, it’s for a limited time only:


1. I worry about the sparks causing a fire and burning down the forest. (And there’s no point in trying to convince me they won’t.)

2. Sitting on a tree stump or a rock makes my butt numb.

3. Wherever I sit (and I move frequently) the smoke changes direction and follows me – right in my face…

4. For which I should be grateful since the smoke supposedly keeps the damn bugs away…

5. But it doesn’t. They still swarm around me – smoke or no. And if I put the hood of my sweatshirt up for protection, they fly inside to torture me.

6. I either get too hot or too cold. Face burning, back freezing.

7. I no longer enjoy roasted marshmallows – the memory of all the ones I ate roasted (burnt) by my kids – “For you, Mom!” – makes me ill.


Yeah, yeah, I’m a whiner and a wimp. Perhaps I’ve just never encountered the perfect bonfire?

But I am a good sport. At least I still give it a go. In fact, I made an appearance at the bonfire last weekend.

I’m just not going to say how long I lasted.



17 comments:

Sherry said...

Be still my heart -- a post I echo heartily!! I've done them, for years, and hate the smell, hate the smell in my clothes, the smoke goes in my face, burnt to a crisp marshmallows are not haute cuisine by anyone's standards...the fun of being with family and friends is the joy...the rest of it. Call me a cab...

The Guy Who Writes This said...

But you'll have to admit it is better than sitting in a smokey bar with bar flies.

Oddly summers here are really dry but I have yet to see any camp fire restrictions. We use well seasoned wood (alder) that doesn't throw sparks. And around the fire pit at home we use Adirondack chairs.

Seraphine said...

lol. there are a hundred reasons not to like campfires and bonfires. There is at least one off-setting reason to go, however: graham crackers, marshmallows and hershey's chocolate.

PrincessB said...

I am so not a camper and prefer my fires in fireplaces. Just not the outdoorsy type.

Beth said...

can THIS Beth come and take your place?..no one will ever know...

Attila The Mom said...

Party pooper. LOL

Trish said...

Here's a plan that may help:

Daytime fire, good book, Adirondack chair, and a blanket. Cup of coffee or a glass of wine.

It's a lovely sensory experience.

But then again - no one says you HAVE to like fires. I'll join you inside once it gets too dark to read.

She said...

Maybe it's a kid thing. I know I enjoyed them as a child with the marshmallows and the hot dogs, etc.

We have one at Thanksgiving each year, and the fun of it is watching the kiddos! : )

Sornie said...

Come ON. A face full of bonfire smoke, deeply inhaled, has actually been known to be an aphrodisiac. As for front hot/back cold syndrome, just sit sideways.

msb said...

We missed you at the PERFECT bonfire on Sunday night! You made an appearance? - suurrre you did! The marshmallows were delicious by the way. Chris and I were the roasters!

Beth said...

msb:
I was there! Was one of the first - check with Chris and Ted. The sparks were so freakin' high!

Gary said...

I sat by one last night with my friend Luigi, under a starry and cold sky. I think the whisky might have helped with all the obstacles you mentioned, which I find also - especially the smoke following me.

All Mod Cons said...

"I no longer enjoy roasted marshmallows – the memory of all the ones I ate roasted (burnt) by my kids – “For you, Mom!” – makes me ill."

Brilliant! I remember doing that to my old dear. I'd never thought that she accepted stuff from my grubby little mitts when I was young just to please me. I REALLY thought she wanted half melted chocolate drops!

Psychgrad said...

You've got some valid complaints about campfires there. Number 1 may be a bit paranoid - particularly if the risk of fire is low and the fire is contained in a pit (which it generally isn't in a large bonfire). Oh...and I get teased for this everything I go camping...but - I like my marshmellows burnt. Yes, I know it's probably not good for me.

#1 reason for enjoying a campfire: dancing fire is mesmerizing.

Not to mention that some great conversations take place around a fire.

Eileen said...

Beth,
I hear you! I feel a bit safer because our fire is next to the lake and no woods around. I sit on a comfortable lawn chair and I still love my marshmallow totally burned, but the girls do it for me.

I don't stay down as long as everyone else. My husband and friends will stay until it dies out. I am done after 30 minutes or so. So I do get what you are saying.

To tell you the truth, I so miss our indoor fireplace that we had in our old house. I would much rather be around that than outside!

XXXX

Seraphine said...

mmm. i love burned marshmallows too. just be sure to blow the flame out completely. :O

Charlotta-love said...

I usually wear contacts but the smoke gets under them and turns my eyes red. You would think this would turn me away yet I love a bonfire. Call me crazy.