Just 19 Steps to Achieving Total Fitness:
1. During the summer, note that the boys (while creating their basement bachelor pad) moved the treadmill machine so that it faces a wall. A very boring wall.
2. The cold weather arrives. Suggest they move it. Reluctantly agree no other good spot exists.
3. Frequently glance at it in passing. Berate myself each time.
4. Decide I must make use of it despite the uninspiring view.
5. Wonder (for weeks) where my running shoes are.
6. Finally look for them.
7. Figure out they’re at the cottage.
8. Eventually get around to buying new ones.
9. Leave new running shoes sitting on the kitchen counter as a reminder to use machine.
10. Re: boring wall - decide music is essential for exercising on the damn machine.
11. Ask two of the boys if they possess an old MP3 player. They don’t.
12. Decide to treat myself to an iPod.
13. Good thing I postpone purchase of said iPod. Son # 3 arrives home from school and finds an extra one. (Spoiled rotten kids.)
14. Download my iTunes music to the iPod. (I LOVE APPLE!)
15. Place iPod on counter with running shoes.
16. I am ready to go. Almost. Still searching for motivation.
17. Decide I need a deadline. Will start February 1st. (2008)
18. Consequences if I fail to meet deadline? I can’t think of any other than the fact I will remain unfit. Which I am used to.
It is really, really hard to punish yourself.
(Any suggestions?)
19. Bonus. Thought of something else I need before starting. A new pair of shorts – the loose fitting sporty looking kind. Wouldn’t want my exercise regimen compromised/constricted in any way…
P.S. Don’t bother making inquiries as to my progress. They will not be appreciated.
24 comments:
So glad I'm not alone!!
I don't even have a treadmill. Guess it's going to take me 20 steps.
I have a treadmill, too. My cat uses it to lay down on. It faces a TV, and I promise myself each day that while watching Ellen, I will walk. So far, I've failed. I'm liking the Feb. 1st goal. Made a note to self!
Thanks for the laugh! You are too funny!
ROFL!!! You've got this one figured out!! Just DO NOT do any squats...OMG...if you do -- one at a time - once per week...YEEOUCH!!!
How about putting up a lovely picture on the boring wall -- something to look at???
Okay...I'm taking notes here LOL
The iPod is a MUST.
Good luck.
Get on the damn thing and start walking! :)
Although you may need (in addition to shoes, iPod and view... an air filter, some nice shorts, a headband, a new water bottle and a bookstand to attach to the handle. It could help you procrastinate till June.
Humourous post.
Every two weeks you meet your goal, treat yourself to a pedicure of massage. Good luck.
Wow. This sounds like the way I start an exercise routine.
Can't you put the treadmill in front of the TV? Why don't you treat yourself to a new 19-inch TV for the treadmill?
Wow. What an awesome idea that is. No need to thank me, now. It's just another service I offer.
I am not sure who, I think it was Hula Girl who comments sometimes on my blog, she was talking about hating running, and she felt the best motivator was someone running backwards in front of ther with donuts.
I suggested a special hat with a stick out the front that dangles a donut in front of your face.
maybe it'll work?
Beth:
I feel your (lack of) pain. I, too, have had a life of being in good shape at times and not so good at other times, and the absolute worst part is trying to get going again. I've been thinking about how to ramp my ass back up, in anticipation of spring, so your post hit a nerve. The humor was a great bonus.
Some of these ideas have worked, sometimes, for me in the past:
o Pick a scheduled time to exercise. I usually find it easiest to do it first thing in the morning (once I overcame the horror of getting up earlier to do something that was initially unpleasant). This time of day has the advantage of getting it over with so you don't have to dread it the rest of the day. It also coordinates well with morning ablutions, if you're the sort who takes a shower first thing. And, it gives you that endorphine/dopamine rush, which lets you feel smug and superior to the rest of humanity, at least until lunchtime. (I came to this conclusion long before this guy, but he published first.
o Set up a self-reward system, so that in return for exercising, you allow yourself to do X. Maybe X could be going online for the first time that day. Or, maybe N workouts entitles you to do Y, say, go shopping for shoes or eat at your favorite restaurant.
o Keep a log -- just a piece of paper or notebook next to the treadmill. Seeing progress helps you keep going. This is for after you get started, of course, but I find that the hardest thing is not really the first workout after a layoff, it's the next few, when you're feeling out of shape and sore.
o Find a slightly more motivated workout partner. This won't work so well with the treadmill, granted, unless you want to take turns giving each other piggyback rides, but walking or running with a friend is usually a lot more fun, and a lot easier to keep doing regularly. And if you get into your walk/run enough, then the treadmill will be there as a backup for bad weather days. Or you could sell it, to some other poor bastard.
Good luck.
mamma:
Lucky you! It'll take more than 20 steps if you have to buy a treadmill - you must decide when to buy it, choose the type, set up a delivery date, put it together...
la la:
First you have to convince the cat the machine is not his (or is it a her?) - that might take you (at least) past Feb. 1st!
sherry:
Well, thank God you didn't suggest a mirror - that would keep me off the damn thing forever!
A lovely picture? Perhaps something from Playgirl magazine???
trish:
I definitely need an iPod. I will be singing my little heart out.
gary:
An air filter? What's going to happen to the air?
A headband? Am I going to sweat??
mrs. g.:
I forgot all about positive reinforcement - too preoccupied with all the negatives as to this venture!
dorky dad:
Unfortunately, the (boring) wall will be approximately 1' in front of my face. Even a flat-screen TV mounted on the wall won't work. I'd go blind. (Thanks, anyway.)
oreneta:
Running?! Oh, my god, I'm not running, I'm just walking. As for the donut? I'd just grab it and eat it. And then feel sick and have to get off....hey, maybe that is a good idea!
brendan:
Your comment was not only helpful but made me laugh! You've got my number with your use of words such as "dread," "going online for the first time" and "sell it."
I actually suggested to a friend that she get on the machine with me - the visual reduced us to fits of laughter. I need to use it in the winter - can't risk the icy sidewalks and roads.
I like both the scheduled time and keeping a log ideas. Thanks.
Put a poster on the wall. Make it a "find the hidden objects" and don't get off until you find all 20.
The wall is 1" in front of your face?!?! That's not a pretty picture no matter what you put on the wall!!!
I won't inquire about your progress as long as you do the same for me!!! ;)
charlotta-love:
Or a Where's Waldo picture? I never really cared where Waldo was and finding the hidden objects drives me mad.
sherry:
One foot! If it was one inch, I'd force them to move it (a bit).
beth:
Done deal.
I wish I could hook a tv up to a treadmill, and the tv would only be powered by my physical movement of the treadmill. I'd get into a show, and that would keep me going....
My goal is to move my treadmill from the basement to my bedroom. That way I will have no choice but to use it. When I watch the news, I will be on it. I will join you on Feb. 1st. Sounds like a plan. But I won't ask you how your doing, especially if you don't ask me. You do make me laugh out loud Beth.
XOXOX
lainey-paney:
Brilliant. Patent the idea.
(It would work for me with hockey games.)
eileen:
Feb. 1st it is! For sure. Maybe. If we don't ask, we'll never know!
It's all part of the process, my dear....
(remember, though, 5 minutes is a good start!)
I am always so ready to work out. It's just that my iPod always runs out of juice exactly at this moment.
princess pointful:
I hope you're not joking because I actually was thinking 5 minutes would be good. Seems pretty paltry, but...
thomas:
"D" Day is approaching. My battery is charging.
I used my treadmill to hang clothes...and then loaned it to a friend to train for a marathon.
I feel slightly less guilty.
Aw man, do I ever know of what you speak.
The only thing that works for me is joining a gym. That is because I go there, and that is what I'm there to do. Nobody pulls at me, needing a diaper, juice, and I can't look at the hair eddies on the floor.
That being said, tonight is the first night I head back to the gym after being sick for awhile, and mentally, it's hard!
I think you might have to take back a little of the bachelor pad--staring at a wall is definitely not going to motivate you.
I'm not as faithful about the elliptical as I should be, but I do my Pilates DVD 'cause it makes me feel so good.
Ha! I love this! I could use the same list for our elliptical machine, which often seems to be used as a coat rack.
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