Thursday, November 08, 2007

Male Readers Beware

I don’t believe I’ve ever posted a joke received via e-mail. I figure most people have already read them and it’s just not my thing.

However, I’ve made an exception with this particular joke because:

A) It was sent to me by one of my sons with the accompanying comment:

“I thought this was funny and I believe I’m one of the morons in the story.”

B) It rings true in this household of one female and three males.

And do forgive me because it contains an element of man-bashing. Granted, the word male is never mentioned but, hey, if my son recognizes himself in this tale, I think that speaks volumes.


Question:

How many women does it take to change a light bulb?


Woman's Answer:

One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out.

And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the #&%!*light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CABINET for the past 17 YEARS!

But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them, 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!!

AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE FREAKING LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER PICKS UP OR CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS PLACE! AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WHO CHANGES THE TOILET PAPER ROLL!!

I'm sorry. What was the question?


Just to emphasize how much this rant rings true in this household, three pot lights in the basement “bachelor pad” have been out for weeks, pop cans and empty junk food bags litter the area and yesterday I was greeted with an empty toilet paper roll.

But I love my kids! And to their credit, if I ask/nag, they will do anything (within reason) for me.

22 comments:

Beth said...

OH. MY. GOD.

This is my household, on a daily, freakin basis.....

I'm printing it out and giving it to every male in my house.

Beth said...

beth:
I knew you would relate to this!

Mrs. G. said...

Oh, Beth, this is too funny. I'm wondering if your son has been to my house. And I love light bulb jokes.

My favorite:

Question: How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: THAT'S NOT FUNNY

patricia said...

Ha ha! So funny! I guess I'm lucky. The minute I notice a bulb burnt out, I ask the hubby, and he replaces it right away. Except for that one special expensive bulb in the kitchen that has been burnt out for over 8 months of course, because it would require a special trip to Home Depot...grrrrrrr....

Sherry said...

OMG!!! This is my house too...too funny. Youngest son is an offender of the 1st order...oldest son will leave things in his room until the mold grows feet and walks itself to the kitchen. IF they bring things to the kitchen they leave them on the counter..not in the garbage or the sink..on the counter. Way too funny!

All Mod Cons said...

Yeah, that's my house too. Only it's the fat cow that's moving out that can't DO anything. Other than cook fried food at 10.30 in the evening, stinking the house out with fat. Then they amble upstairs leaving the kitchen covered in mess. Then in the morning after all that fatty goodness has festered in their lardy bellies over night, one or both of them (but not at the same time!) will go into the toilet and have a festering crap, not stopping to open the window OR change the empty loo roll. Bastards.

Sorry, what was the question?

oreneta said...

Light bulb....no TOILET PAPER ROLL!!! you overheard me didn't you. Man today's spywear is excellent....(there's only one male in the house too...)

Beth said...

mrs.g:
You want all three of my sons to pay you a visit?
And that's a FUNNY joke - even if feminists don't think so!

particia:
You didn't mention anything about empty toilet paper rolls...

sherry:
If I don't have to be where the mess is (i.e. their bedrooms, the bachelor pad in the basement) I'm okay with it. Sort of. Unless there's a risk of my tripping or the smell gets too bad or.... Hey, maybe I'm not really okay with it.

all mod cons:
I hear you and I agree with you - women can be slobs too. But overall? I think (most) men have us beat by a mile.

oreneta:
The odds of us both dealing with burnt out light bulbs and empty toilet paper rolls (same day?) are pretty damned good!

Gary said...

Nice!

After that fine disclaimer, I thought your joke was going to hurt. I bet lots of guys would think - "Hey, joke's on her for changing the bulb!" (Just ask the boys...)

Q: What's the difference between a government savings bond and a man?

A: One of them eventually matures.

Now there's a joke that just hurt my feelings! Ouch!

Now I'm going to look around the house for bulbs out, empty toilet paper holders and dustballs...

One more to change the subject - from men to light bulbs.

Q: How many surrealists does it tack to change a lightbulb?

A: A green fish in an orange sky.

Shari said...

The empty toilet paper I can empathize with, but burnt out lightbulbs? Hubby's pretty good about that.

Yesterday, though, I moved the couches to vacuum back there and discovered....lining the inside edges of the couch...candy wrappers from Halloween treats. Aaargh. Too lazy to get up and throw them into the garbage!! KIds. I took away the rest of their candy for awhile. (Yes, there's still some left.)

Eileen said...

Wow, this sounds so much like my entire family, girls and hubby. I love this post, I really do. I can so relate to the entire thing. It made me laugh out loud, and after spending the entire night at Parent-Teacher Conferences, that is a really good thing!
Have a good night.
XOXO

Beth said...

gary:
I've managed to hold back from changing the light bulbs in the basement (and that's hard for me to do) but I can't ignore empty toilet paper rolls. (Unless I carry around my own stash? There's a thought.)
I love the surrealism joke - although my subconscious is never that creative. (That I'm aware of...)

shari:
Couches are also a great source of loose change. I figure the person who finds the $$, deserves to keep it.
We finished all the leftover Halloween candy. I miss those little treats.

eileen:
Glad it made you laugh! Since you have girls, maybe it's not so much a male thing but about the issue of moms being responsible for everything around the house.
We gotta learn to share!

charlotta-love said...

Sounds like houses of other friends. Not mine of course. We are perfect. *ahem.

Psychgrad said...

Sounds familiar...Every weekend, it's pretty much, "ok - what should I clean?" My response is always "what looks like it needs to be cleaned"?

Angela said...

Beautiful. Just beautiful.

Beth said...

charlotta-love:
Well, someone in this household is perfect and that would be me!

psychgrad:
Maybe it's a vision problem - as in, selective vision...

angela:
Yeah, it was a great story/joke. The best part for me was receiving it from one of my "morons."

Diesel said...

You know, men don't change the toilet paper roll because they remember how when they were single, a roll would last like six months.

Beth said...

diesel:
I've actually factored in frequency of use re: males and figure it's got to be their turn to change it at least 3 times a year!

Princess Pointful said...

Oy. Flashbacks to my days of "cohabitation" and stepping on bottle caps.
You're making me appreciate living on my own!

Beth said...

princess pointful:
I forgot about the bottle caps. Sometimes they end up close to the waste basket in the basement. On the floor beside it.

Attila The Mom said...

Hahahahahahaha!

Beth said...

attila:
Struck a nerve, huh? (Or your funny bone.)