Monday, August 06, 2007
Bored to near-tears in a doctor’s waiting room last week (just a routine eye checkup) I picked up a few of the women’s magazines. Didn’t even bother looking beyond the covers. It’s all been said and done and written before.
Without naming names, below is a list of some of the title headings on these magazine covers followed by my own synopsis of what might be (??) contained in the actual articles. Slight exaggeration and flippancy may be noted.
(Yes, I was bored, frustrated and full of cynicism. It happens.)
1. Why More Women Are Taking Anti-depressants
Because they’re fed up and depressed.
(And, yeah, it’s easier for doctors to prescribe meds than take the time listen to these women.)
2. How To Wear Shorts
Put one leg through each opening at a time.
If you can’t do up the zipper, button or snap, don’t wear them.
If they have an elastic waist – bonus.
If they look like hell but feel comfortable – wear them and rejoice.
3. Rediscover A Fulfilling Sex Life
Find another partner.
Change is good. New “moves” might help.
4. Why I Left My Home and Family to Climb Mount Everest
I needed a rest.
(I made up this title. It kind of goes along with those “Amazing Women Tell Their Stories” articles.)
5. Fast and Easy Summertime Recipes
Right. Easy for the chef in the magazine’s well-stocked kitchen with the help of assistants.
These recipes call for ingredients I’ve never heard of.
And if the prep time says 20 minutes – HAH! Double or triple that.
6. How To Have It All – Balancing a Career and Family
Bullshit. Can’t be done.
See point # 1.
7. Super Summer Cuts
(This is referring to hairstyles, not meat.)
For Pete’s sake – just because I have my hair cut in a style worn by some woman in these pictures doesn’t mean it’s going to look as good on me.
I’m not that stupid.
And I know from experience I will never be able to duplicate what the hairdresser did with my hair once I’m on my own.
Had enough? I have. Years of advice and “helpful hints.” No more.
I’m continuing this journey on my own.