Thursday, May 10, 2007

Proceed WIth Caution...


I think I’ve come across as pretty calm, upbeat and (relatively) normal on this blog lately considering the status of my personal life. Right?

And I believe I once said I doubted I’d go into any detail about those matters. Right?

Well, that was then and this is now.

This is how I’m really feeling today.

I am pissed off. I am freakin’ sick of either the thought of (or actually dealing with) lawyers, accountants, future finances — and all the other crap that is part and parcel of this process. Which has barely started.

And then there is the rest of life.

Frankly, it can all be a bit overwhelming.

Most of the time I am fine. I laugh, smile, etc.

Right now I am just plain mad. Which beats sad by a long shot.

I am quite aware there are some people who read this blog who may be disturbed by my expressing these feelings.

Well, it’s my blog. And this is my reality right now. I’m not apologizing.

****

Okay, I’m done.

And that little burst of — whatever it was — felt good.

I can’t be perky and “up” all the time. (Nor am I.) Putting on a front is just not healthy and it’s tiring. You have to let the stress O-U-T.

Note. Still not providing details. I’m a fairly private person and other people’s lives are involved.

But writing this down was as good as screaming. I think.

I’m not sure. I haven’t screamed yet.

***

My pump-me-up song? “What I Got” by Sublime. The uncensored version. (And, yes, I know the lead singer died and, no, my money’s not all gone…but, for sure, “love is what I got…”)


18 comments:

Diesel said...

That was a pretty tame rant. I don't think you alienated anybody. :)

The lead singer of Sublime died? Why doesn't anybody ever tell me these things?

bec said...

All I can say is... We Hear You.

The Guy Who Writes This said...

Beth, let it out, let it out.

John said...

Oasis - Cigarettes and Alcohol

(Not saying that either is the answer, but hell it's a f'kin good tune to get pumped to. Especially the Live version)

A good "RAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR!!!!" might help? I do at least 4 everyday. In public. Really freaks people out. It's MOST enjoyable!

Beth said...

ya, that wasn't much screaming at all, so I think you're doing great. You've been hit full on in the face with stress.....You're allowed to rant and vent and scream and anything else you feel like doing! Screw the rest of the world! It's all about YOU right now!

oreneta said...

Go girl, go go go go go


let it rip whenever you want.

Have to confess I would be brutally mad. Fearfully mad. Bad for me angry....

really.

Whatever, whenever, I'm not phased. Do what you need to do, say what you need to say.

Hang in there. We're all thinking of you.

Beth said...

diesel:
Tame, huh?
Not worried about alienating any blog pals - referring to some non-bloggers who check in.
I'm pretty sure about the singer with Sublime - I'm kept in the loop by my kids.

bec:
And thank you for listening...

guy:
I am..I am...(I have to!)

john:
I'll check out Cigarettes and Alcohol - sounds just about perfect.
I'd love to hear your public "Raaaaarrrrrr!" Too bad the windows are open this time of year - I might be more inclined to let go with my own "Raaarrrr!!!"

beth:
Yeah, my rant does seem kind of wussy. Must let the anger OUT! But, honestly, sometimes it's actually better to try and stay calm...

Beth said...

oreneta:
You're giving me your blessing to let it all out - anytime, anywhere, by any means - and saying you'll listen.
Thanks.
(Mad is good. Mad all the time is not good. I've got to watch myself here...)

cipriano said...

The blog is a great place to let the steam out, sometimes.
Vent yer geyser!

Dorky Dad said...

I've got to agree with Diesel. That wasn't much of a rant at all. That was like a runty rant. I think that if it were me dealing with all that crap, I'd probably ... not blog at all because I'd have thrown my computer across the room.

Hang in there kiddo.

Princess Pointful said...

Good good good!!
I certainly have been receiving a lot of advice recently (and likely some of it coming from you, missy ;) ) about not holding myself to these ridiculous standards of rigid overcontrol.

Of course you're mad! Heck, I was mad when I read about it :)

Beth said...

cipriano:
"Vent yer geyser???"
Hey, that sounds rude...or maybe it's just my frame of mind right now. Guess you mean "blow off some steam."
(I'm sure you're thrilled about Ottawa - I'm just pleased.)

dorky dad:
You can make me laugh even by insulting me! "A runty rant."
I'll have to work on my rant skills...

princess pointful:
Of course I give you advice - "missy." I'm old enough to be your mother!
But I do appreciate any advice coming from you. You're one smart young lady.

Trish said...

Oh my my my....now I feel like total crap for not checking in. You, my friend, have every stinkin' right to rant your face off. No apologies wanted or needed.

Beth said...

trish:
More approval - hurray!
But I will keep it to a minimum.
Sob stories and/or rants are not much of a pleasure to read.

Trish said...

True...but allow yourself maybe one rant a week? Two weeks? Something like that anyways because when we see that other people have stress and issues that are bothersome and overwhelming it makes us all feel a little more normal and freer to express our own.

Phew...long sentence. But you know what I mean?

Beth said...

trish:
Got it! If I "let it out" once in a while, you (or others) will feel free to do the same.
We can take turns!

Attila The Mom said...

Scream away!

Beth said...

attila:
I did a little "Arghhhh!" yesterday. Windows are open - don't want to freak out the neighbours.
(Better had this happened in the winter.)