Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Beth On Vacation

I mentioned on New Year’s Eve that I might write a post entitled, “Why You Would Not Choose Beth As The # 1 Person To Take With You On A Vacation.” (Don’t go running scared — it won’t be like a hideously boring slide show. Hopefully.)

Different title but I am going to note the reasons why I think I’m a bit of a drag as a traveling companion — at least, to any resort-like setting. (If those who were with me read this and choose to disagree — go right ahead. It might make me feel better.)

Why I’m A Drag on Vacation

1. I spend way too much time dwelling (obsessing?) on the poverty I observe around the resort. I want to tip everybody for every little thing. I feel guilty being a “have” amidst “have-nots.” I recognize this can be a bit of a downer for my companions who simply want to have a good time. (Sorry.)

2. I’m unable to do justice to the tourist “shop ‘til you drop” routine because I will literally drop. Okay, maybe not literally but pretty close to it. If you are kind enough to shop with me, you know your shopping time is limited. (Thanks, Zig.) I am also incapable of taking part in that time honoured tradition of haggling/bargaining with the native vendors. (See point # 1.) I probably disappoint the vendors in this respect as well.

3. I don’t sign up for exciting excursions and adventures out of fear of the following: heights, fish, boredom (i.e. golf) and the biggest fear — completely wrecking my back for good. This makes for an extremely dull traveling companion.

4. I abhor organized “group activities.” I make no apologies for this. You will never find me taking part in a bingo game, beer guzzling contest, dance contest or the like. I hate doing things en mass. I feel like I’m part of a herd of cattle. I can’t avoid the herd-like mentality and behaviour at the buffet meals but that’s the extent of my “herd” participation.

5. The following probably bothers me more than anyone else, but still… I did not always dress up for the evening meals. My female traveling companions did. As soon as I noticed you could get away with very, very casual clothing, I opted for that. For one thing, my “good” clothes aren’t particularly “good.” They are also dated. Extremely. I can (sort of) get away with my abysmal wardrobe choices at home. Away from home, I’m caught. Reality is a scary thing…

6. More on fashion sense or lack of. I confess — I did not simply forget to bring along a small evening purse, it never even occurred to me to bring one. I honestly feel a bit embarrassed about this but what can you do? You either think along those lines or you don’t. I don’t.

7. You can lead Beth into the ocean but you cannot make her remain upright. I was ploughed under the waves three times in fairly rapid succession. So rapid, that I was just emerging from the foam and sand after the second swamping to let everyone know I was okay when I was hit again. Mouth open — salt water in. I did a lot of spitting and drooling for awhile. My bathing suit was also full of sand — everywhere. And I do mean everywhere. Loaded diaper kind of everywhere. I was not the only one to get knocked over — just the only one it happened to three times in a row. Surfer girl, I’m not. A beached whale, I do well.

8. I am not a sun goddess. Let me rephrase that. I don’t worship the sun. I have enough problems with my sensitive skin. If you are willing to be seen with me on the beach, you are sitting with a well-lotion-lathered and swami-like woman. (See Beth in straw hat in above picture. That is not an act for the camera — it’s real.) Hat, sunglasses, cover-up, lounge chair facing away from the sun — I’m the one not going with the flow on the beach.


There are probably more reasons not to travel with me but I’m done with the self-abuse. On the plus side, I can be amusing, I can tell jokes (and laugh at yours), I carry with me a bag so full of medicinal crap that I probably qualify as a pseudo-pharmacist so you need never worry about getting sick and basically, I’m a pretty good sport.

I do appreciate all my friends have to put up with. I’m a little kooky. I guess the fact they ask me along means they like me — they really like me!!

Thanks, guys.

11 comments:

Beth said...

ahhh, are ALL Beths "sun challenged"..Me, I love to be at the beach and sunning myself...unfortuately, the sun hates me. I don't tan, I burn. and I am Italian, so go figure.

I love the ocean too, and there is a fish out there wearing my glasses at this very moment. Knocked over by a huge wave, glasses come flying off, bathing suit comes flying down...I'm blind and can't find my way out. Not a pretty sight, that's for sure!

glad you're home safe and sound!

Beth said...

beth - that fish no longer needs your glasses - he's using my husband's contacts.

Megan said...

You are WAY too hard on yourself - you always have been, and always will be one of my favourite companions - whether sipping coolers on the dock or sitting on the beach discussing who had implants - lots of laughs and giggles. Except for scaring me to death with your ocean dunking routine, (how guilty would I feel if you had totalled your back at my insistence of playing in the waves) we had a ball. And when it's all said and done, it's comforting to know tha girl power really does exist. Love ya,
Zig

Beth said...

megan - thanks - love you,too - and I do feel better. (I still think I'm a better "companion" at the cottage than away...)

ragdoll said...

Sounds like you would be my ideal traveling campanion. Although I do have a bit of an adventurous spirit and do venture out when I can...but group activities? Please kill me now.

oreneta said...

Sounds just like ME, except I don't even own an evening bag. I am the one on the beach wearing shoes, a full length skirt or pants, a long sleeved shirt with a collar, large brimmed sunglasses and a hat. Yup, that'd be me.

Swamped once by a wave, the train just keeps rolling in after them, hard not to get caught by the next few. I speak here from long experience...cough, cough ptew ptewptew....

Beth said...

ragdoll - okay, I'll watch while you venture and we can both avoid the group stuff...


oreneta - well, you and I certainly don't "do" the beach for the sun. It's the sound and the smells I love.

adrienne said...

The damn evening purse! I don't think along those lines either. I'm thinking that evening purse is taking up valuable book room.

We should vacate together. We can sit on the sidelines of the group activities and make snide comments.

Beth said...

adrienne - I love the way your mind works.

Attila The Mom said...

I am so "with you" on 2 through 8! I probably would be with you on #1, but I don't think I've actually been to a resort where there's poverty surrounding it.

We should go on our next vacation together. You and I can sit under the umbrella reading while everyone else gets sunburned and sandy panties!

Beth said...

attila - I would have added umbrella to #8 but it was too windy - way too much dorkiness with an umbrella falling on top of me. The amount of sand in my "panties" was brutal - actually had me a tad worried (if you get my "drift.")