Wednesday, August 26, 2009


I have registered for a “Handy Person’s Course.” (Actual title…gender neutral…good start…)

God help the instructor. I could do with a small miracle, too.

Do you think it will be essential to know and/or recognize all the various tools? Because I won’t. I was kind of hoping the course description would include the reassuring words, “No prior knowledge and/or skills required.” It didn’t. The “Auto Maintenance for Beginners” did but that’s not happening – car engines intimidate me.

The course I’m taking is for “…anyone who wants to learn to repair an electrical plug (yikes!), fix a leaky faucet (sounds okay), re-hang or install a new door…”

The door bit gave me pause. How do you install a door if you can’t even lift one? Fortunately, I don’t need a new door in my home. Yet. Knock on wood.

I’m a good sport. If anyone in the class makes fun of me, I can take it. But if good-natured teasing turns into ridicule, I’m out of there. That, or they’ll be on the receiving end of a soft-spoken but sincere, “F**k you” from sweet, nice Beth. Appearances can be deceiving.

Wish me luck.

Drats. I ended up on the waiting list!
The good news is there must be lots of people just like me (tool-impaired).
The bad news is, of course, I am not assured of a spot.
Perhaps I'm destined to pay for the skills of others and to continue with my own haphazard and make-shift repair methods?
It is out of my hands - so to speak.
Que sera sera.

photo credit:


sherry ♥ lee said...

Of course I'll wish you luck, but you won't need it. You'll be a whiz at this...and if you aren't sure of the tools, go to Canadian Tire, get a basic kit, ask someone there what each piece is and label it with masking tape (or should you choose NOT to go to Canadian Tire..ahem...Home Depot will do just as well!!!!!) ;)

Cheryl said...

I think it is a great idea, I would love to take a class like that! My husband has so many unfinished projects around here, it drives me crazy. Of course he would say I did it wrong, but who cares, and that is another post.
I wish you lots of luck, but I have a feeling, you really won't need it. I think there is a real handy woman in you, just waiting to burst out.
Love the photo!

Deidra said...

You will be wonderful! The star of the class, I'm sure. I can't wait to learn from you!

Guy said...

Don't worry, everyone in that class will be on the same level as you. The advanced class will teach you all the cool things you can do with a butter knife, bailing twine and a roll of duct tape.

patricia said...

Good for you! I should take the same course. Just so that I can say f*ck you! to someone else! ;)

Cheryl said...

Good luck! Who knows? You may be a natural at it. Now, if it was auto repair, then I might light a candle for you! But I'm sure you'll do fine.

Bee said...

I do wish you luck, and it's such a shame that I can't take this course with you . . .not only because my handy-person skills are nil, (believe me, I'd make you look good), but also so we could giggle from the sidelines.

Beth said...

sherry lee:
Oh, lordy – I never even thought of having to take tools with me!

“She/Me” has been waiting (holding back) with that burst for a very long time!

The star, no – but perhaps I’ll end up with “The Most Improved” award. ;)

I “do” duct tape! The advanced class sounds as though it teaches the methods I already use!

The air would be blue if you and I took that course together. ;)

I think you should light that candle anyway...

Giggling would be good – it would take my mind off any self-inflicted injuries.
Wish you were here to take the course with me!

The Bodhi Chicklet said...

Que sera sera indeed. Sounds like an interesting class - maybe they should add an extra night for all of you on the waiting list! Bravo for taking your fix-it destiny in your own hands.

Laura said...

Maybe you'll get into the next class--the one where they instruct you how to instruct others in the best way to hold a wrench or hold a door or tighten a screw. You know, the supervisory DIY class.

Zhu said...

Do you think they would teach me how to open a can properly? Or these glass jar of apple sauce?


Rick said...

If I was still living in Toronto, I'd sign up for the same course! We writers are a notoriously un-handy lot.

Seraphine said...

i have a drawer with a few tools in it: screwdrivers, hammer, pliars and a tape measure. i also have a small screwdriver kit for repairing small things like eyeglasses. i've replaced a showerhead and repaired a few things.
i'd love to take a course like that because mostly i use common sense when making repairs... but my common sense is sometimes different from anybody elses.
i've stripped screws, put unnecessary holes in walls and otherwise have broken as many things as i've fixed.

Gary said...

I hope they don't screw up and they let you in. I know you'll nail that course, especially when you drill down and chisel away the books and instructions they give you. (Bad bad puns, but you SAW that coming...)

a mouthy irish woman? ridiculous! said...

a tube top and hot pants will help ensure that you are given the seat at the very front of the class, assistance with lifting and installing the doors and all of the tools handed to you a piece of velvet. ridicule will be replaced by drool.


Beth said...

bhodi chicklet:
The fix-it skills are just one aspect of that destiny...

I’m kind of a DIY supervisor now only it’s referred to as being a nag. ;)

Splurge on a good can opener and bang on those metal lids with the blunt end of a knife – or run hot water over them. (I’m good at some things...)

Perhaps each of us is blessed with only certain skills/creativity? In my next life, I’m hooking up with a professional handyman – or coming back as one. ;)

Your common sense sounds remarkably like mine – “Necessity is the mother of invention.” This course would also help me repair my past repair jobs. ;)

When you say you know I’ll nail that course, are you on the level?
(I know what a level is!)

mouthy irish woman:
Uh-huh... A tube top and hot pants would probably increase the ridicule – and what if the class is full of other women? I’d be screwed! ;)

Beth said...

I gotta find something like that for my husband...he breaks whatever tool he picks up. scary.

cipriano said...

Car engines intimidate me too, Beth.
I usually seek out a qualified technician to replace the valve caps after I refill my tires with air!
Around the apartment, Jack [who is a cat]... does most of the real chores.

Next time that course rolls around, sign up early.
I should go to it, with you.

laughingwolf said...

i can tell you fixing an electrical cord is a snap, as are most plumbing leaks... [journeyman electrician, me]

to get to know tool names, google or yahoo can help :)

rick: surely you jest?

apriliniowa said...

I'm not surprised it's full. That is a class that would have panned out to be more useful to me than most of the classes I took in college. I am constantly irritated that I can't manage electrical wiring and desperately want to learn. I did teach myself how to lay tile and laminate flooring and was never so pleased with myself.

Wildflower Studio (Michelle Dransart) said...

How cool! I hope you get in, it sounds like a great idea for a class! You go girl, rock on!

sherry ♥ lee said...

I'm sorry you are on the waiting list...that gives you plenty of time to do some shopping...I know, we'll get you a fancy tool belt and some hot looking tools next time we're out. If you like we can practice with Bob the Builder tools!! lol!! ;)

Seraphine said...

when all else fails, use a tool. and when the tool doesn't work, kick it. in fact, kicking it probably works better than anything else. LOL

VE said...

The good news can invite that handy man over again...

Lainey-Paney said...

Seriously---you need to run right out & buy one of those "pink tool kits" for ladies.
And I'm going to need you to fake a southern DRAAAWL & act helpless the whole time. MMMkay?

No really, it's cool that they even offer this class.

Barrie said...

Oh, I so want you to get in. Think of what you can share with us!!

oreneta said...

Good luck getting in, remeber that there are staple guns that are like hammers so a woman can actually get her hands around them and the best screw heads are the square ones, (robertson) the driver NEVER slides out and strips it. Never ever ever buy screws with the X on top, if you aren't a strong man you'll never get them out again, and may not get them in.


There is also a spray called anti-lock. Made for women. Lubes things right up. Spray it on, wait, then try and loosen the thing off.

If you buy a tool, buy a good one, it should be heavy. crap tools make it much much harder.

There, my two cents.

Good luck.