Sunday, March 01, 2009

Back At It


While updating and preparing information (yet again) regarding my legal situation, I’m finding I have to force myself to sit at the computer this time around. I am that sick of it.

But I keep on going. I won’t stop.

However, it occurred to me that I might have been inclined to give up or give in long ago if I didn’t have a clue as to what I as doing, what I was entitled to.

There are probably many women (and men) who’d be unable to cope with or understand the financial and legal ramifications of the dismantling of a marriage – in part because they had no idea as to the state of their financial affairs while married.

Lawyers can only work with the information they’re given. If you don’t have it to give? Advantage – opposing team.

Ladies and Gentlemen: May your marriages last until death do you part but (god forbid) on the off chance they might not, familiarize yourselves with and become knowledgeable as to your financial situation now.

“What’s mine is yours” is not good enough. That sentiment changes. You need to know what the “mine” consists of in order to hold on to “yours.”


Okay, okay, long enough break from the legal mumbo jumbo – back to it.

17 comments:

sherry lee said...

Great insight Beth. We take way too much for granted in marriage and assume that life will roll on merrily "until death do us part"...and speaking of death, we are wise to know everything in that event as well.

I know this task consumes you and is your primary focus in life these days -- as it should be. I admire you for your fortitude in continuing, even though you are tired of it all ... shows great strength and determination to stand up for what is yours.

oreneta said...

What an utter horror. Good luck and lots of strength. Hang tough.

Gladys said...

I have been through two bad break-ups. In both instances I wanted out so bad I didn't want anything, didn't take anything and didn't get anything. I just wanted the abuse to stop. So I know what your talking about. This time things are in MY name. I have my own retirement acct. etc. Not that I want anything to happen but I don't want to be left high and dry.

Twenty Four At Heart said...

Great advice. I'm sorry you're going through this!

Seraphine said...

hugs.
it can't be easy.
and once you get lawyers involved, the nature of the process makes adversaries out of even rational, good-willed people.
good for you, helping yourself. that's great advice. when its important, you have to do what's necessary.

Gary said...

Thanks Beth... and good luck with the whole affair. We worked through out marriage dissolution together, over the same table, with all information on it. Then we asked one lawyer to review our plan and help us write it up.

Some asked why the hell we were separating with that kind of cooperation.

So it can be done a different way (yet is never easy).

Cheryl said...

I hope the legal mess ends soon! It is hard enough to end a marriage emotionally, the legal crap must make moving on close to impossible. Sorry that you have to go through all of this.
XXXXX

Barrie said...

Thinking of you. xo

Trish said...

Yes so true . . .

It's terrible to see what an on-going nightmare this has been for you.

(hugs)

Laura said...

In my case we had the house and that was it, oh, and two children. Needless to say, there was/is an incredible amount of wrangling going on. Knowledge is power. So is knowing what you deserve and what you want, and what each will require.

The Bodhi Chicklet said...

Sound advice, best to do this voluntarily, little by little over time than to have it land in your lap. When my husband died in 2000, I had to learn fast. Luckily I had many single years on my own or with deadbeat boyfriends before my marriage that had taught me about finances. But it's never a pleasant place to be. Turning a blind eye just to get it over with is not the right attitude in the long run. One day all the "i"s will be dotted and the "t"s crossed. Until then...

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

Take it from me, a former family-law attorney, your words are right on the money. Pun intended. Married, single, divorced, or separating, we all need to be hands on about our own financial situations.

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

P.S. Beth, I was thinking about this all night. You're very brave to stick it out by that computer, and to share about it. My thoughts and support are with you.

Seraphine said...

things *will* get better.

Beth said...

thanks girl....I know I need this info.

Bee said...

You are SO right, Beth . . . and I have had several friends get so unbelievably screwed.

One of my friends, who was married 20 years and 17 of them were expat, ended up with almost nothing. Her husband owned 7 houses all over the world . . . but somehow, he managed to get the valuations of said property to come out to less than the value of their house in England (mostly paid for from money from her father). As for savings, he mysteriously didn't seem to have any. Guess what? She had always let him "handle" it.

I wish you luck. I hope it wraps up soon. (How long have you been separated?)

I think that Capturing Paris would be perfect for you. xx, Bee

NYD said...

WE keep our CDs seperate this way we know whose is whose.

Stay strong.


P.S. I don't know anyone who keeps their gloves in the glove compartment. Maybe we should start calling it the odd box