Sunday, March 15, 2009

Annual Angst

I had two sort of essential tasks to accomplish on Saturday.

How can a task be sort of essential? Well, if it’s buying a bathing suit, no matter how essential or urgent the need for this item might be, the completion of this particular task is never a sure thing.

My need is definitely urgent. My bathing suit is on the verge of disintegrating from being subjected to chlorine in my hydrotherapy class. Seams are threatening to give way, the elasticity is just about shot and the now barely attached lining is floating out beyond its boundaries (had to tuck a wayward piece back below the bra line last Thursday). Both the suit and I are a disaster waiting to happen – we are at risk of (literally) becoming the butt of a bad joke in class.

And did I manage to purchase a new bathing suit? NO! I hated every one I tried on and they hated me.

Why don’t stores use dim lights in those dressing rooms and have mirrors that provide a soft focus (blurred) reflection? I’m willing to be fooled. Just once I’d like to look at myself in that mirror and say, “Wow, this bathing suit fits perfectly! My God, it makes me look good!” (So what if it doesn’t when I get home? At least I’d have one.) I’m further stymied by my lack of patience. I’ll try on four bathing suits – max – before giving up in fury and frustration.

And how come I look better in a bra and underwear than I do in some of these bathing suits? I’ll tell you why – I figured it out. The material & elastic in some suits contorts, squeezes and rearranges your flesh into places it was never meant to be. Hello!! My boobs belong here, not up there…and that is not where my thighs meet my derrière. It is not appropriate to reveal one’s a** in pool class.

Or, you have the option of trying on a bathing suit made of the flimsiest material ever. I don’t do flimsy.

The worst of it is I still need a damned bathing suit. The few others I possess are not going to be immersed in chlorine. I like them. They fit. They are sacred.

As for my other Saturday task? Success! Writing and printing supplies at Staples. Love that store – can always find what I need – and more. It all fits.


Anonymous said...

Staples sounds like a lot more fun. I get lost in that place.

I won't even touch the bathing suit issue. Mine is 10 years old. Bought it at Lands End in a catalogue and luckily it worked, or I was too lazy to return it. I can tell you one thing, it is black.

Good luck!

The Bodhi Chicklet said...

I have found that I will go for a long time trying on bathing suits, then find two at the same time that fit and look half way decent. Have you tried a lingerie shop - I once found a fabulous one in there made from COTTON, which always took longer to dry but was so much more comfortable than lycra/spandex/nylon. I,too,love Staples only, to be distinct, we call it Bureau En Gros.

sherry lee said...

Too bad Staples doesn't sell bathing suits!!! I loathe trying on bathing suits, bras and can be an exercise in frustration...but eventually something fits. I dance around like a monkey on speed when I try something on and it actually fits and looks good...

Maggie May said...

ugh. i'm so not looking forward to doing the suit try on.

oreneta said...

I am currently wearing my mother's hand me down rejected bathing suit and it looks TERRIBLE on me, but I haven't gotten around to getting a new one.

I got the best bathing suit of my life in the Bay one year, on sale too. Sadly, the bottom died recently, though the top is still going strong....

Beth said...

Staples is more fun.
And I've had rotten luck with catalogue shopping too!

the bhodi chicklet:
Cotton would definitely feel better than lycra, spandex, etc. I'll try the lingerie shop nearby - but won't spend a "long time trying" them on!

sherry lee:
Well, I could always try making a bathing suit out of items from Staples - some file folders, elastics, plastic containers... ;)

maggie may:
May you have better luck than I...

Oh, you fashion plate, you!
Hope you're not wearing that top without the bottoms!

Seraphine said...

i hate shopping for bathing suits.
not only are they hard to fit, but many are just plain ugly or unsexy.
and it's sooo much easier wearing a one piece.

Barrie said...

I think once you find that perfect (or close enough) bathing suit, you should buy a few of them. Maybe in different colors. I love Staples too.

msb said...

we should shop together for "support" and have many laughs while doing it... It has to be one of the most humiliating experiences a woman goes through (although we did look great in our bikinis a lifetime ago) And who cares? As long as we get to the dock!!

VE said...

Woa! Boobs? Thighs? A**? All in one of your posts? And I just came over to read and tell you you've been tagged, by me of all people. You're dental-floss thong and pasties will be mailed out tomorrow. 3 out of 4 guys recommend it!