Monday, January 26, 2009
Household Hints From a Pro
1. If you can’t find the correct screwdriver bit, just choose one that sort of fits. It will get the job done. You might wreck the screw itself (and the screw bit) but that is a problem for another day.
2. If your kids gouge bits of paint off the walls with hockey bags (or whatever) use Wite-Out for touch-ups. It beats sanding and painting the entire area. (Available in colours other than white.)
3. If your doorbell stops working, give it at least a week before bothering to do anything about it. If it’s the same vintage as mine (the 50’s?) it will miraculously start working again on its own. And if it doesn’t, people can always knock.
4. Let a friend catch a few glimpses of the inside of your fridge. She (chances are it will be a she) might eventually and politely ask how old your bottles of salad dressing are. The shame of this will inspire you to go through the entire fridge looking for expired items. You will feel cleansed after this exercise. And if she is your best friend, she will later send you an email - “Hey, how'd you get posted on the internet so fast?! I'm pretty sure this was from your fridge,” with a link to this site. The two of you will probably have a good laugh at your expense.
5. If for some crazy reason you decide to clean behind and under the stove (say, once in a blue moon) be sure to ask your son if and when he’s going out before asking him to move the stove. Failure to do this will give you approximately one minute to tackle the brutal mess before you notice him heading out the front door leaving you with the stove in the middle of the kitchen. Holler for him to come back. He will. Have him shove the stove back. Put off the job for another day.
6. Don’t ever think it is a brilliant idea to rinse out a jar of peanut butter with boiling water left over from making a cup of tea. When you put the lid back on the jar and shake, a mixture of boiling water and peanut butter goo sprays out all over you, the sink, the counter and the backsplash. I don’t know why and I don’t plan on any future experiments in order to figure it out. Oh, yes, and while you’re cleaning up, your tea will get cold.
I actually have more helpful hints I could share but I suspect I’ve made myself look enough of a fool with the ones listed.