Sunday, April 13, 2008

Exposure


I went clothes shopping the other day which I HATE to do. (Strange for a female, I know…) This particular expedition simply confirmed why I hate shopping.

Bought myself a pair of low-rise jeans as per the fashion advice of someone who shall remain nameless.

Problem. While I do possess a pair of hips, they are not of the va-voom! type. When I walk (hell, when I stand) the jeans slide down over said hips. And while it is probably inappropriate to say this, I suspect my butt isn’t big enough to keep the jeans up either.

And, yes, I’ve tried wearing a belt. It just adds weight and speeds up the slippage.

Shit. What a waste of money. They fit perfectly in the store.

Since I’m not thin or skinny, I have come to the following conclusions:

1. Females who wear low-rise jeans without slippage cannot possible sit down in comfort. (Too tight.)

2. Countless others do not mind if their butts show. (This is not really a conclusion – more of a daily observation.)

3. Still others do not find it a nuisance wearing the crotch of their jeans at the mid-thigh point.

If anyone knows the secret to wearing these jeans (other than buying a size too small) please let me in on it.

Fashion-wise, I’m trying…but I need all the help I can get.


P.S. Those are not my Calvin Klein’s.





23 comments:

Sherry/Cherie said...

LOL!! Well..not sure I'm any help..you've seen the size of my back end...I have worn low rise and they were "just right" on me -- but I've got some "girth" around the middle to hold them up. Any lower than what I had and forget it -- not happening....so I feel your "shame" (as in your pants falling down!!).

I hate shopping for jeans as much as I hate shopping for bras -- shoes are SO much easier.

Can you return the jeans? I've had so many women tell me that they have success with hard to fit jeans at Marks Work Wearhouse...other than that, I'll be back to check and see what others can advise (I'll be very curious to see what the males recommend!!!)

oreneta said...

From the teenagers I teach both one and two are correct. They were them REALLY tight, and tug constantly, they also cannot bend over to pick anything up off the floor. Two is also right...some just don't care. UGH.

All Mod Cons said...

So, if you don't wear a belt with jeans & they fall down, how do you stop it? Please tell me you don't wear elasticated waist type jeans? You're WAY too young to be doing that sort of thing! You have to be at least 70 to go for elastic.

Have you tried string? It's lighter than a belt but still works. And it's cheaper. AND comes in different colours! Hey, maybe I'm onto something there...string belts...hmmm

Beth said...

sherry:
Oh, God, bras - and underwear! I could do another post on the horrors of shopping for those items.
(Marks WW. - noted.)
I figured no guy would comment on this but AMC chimed in with a pretty good idea.

oreneta:
Hey, if I'd tried bending over to pick something up I could have but would have totally lost my jeans.
And constant tugging? As bad as a wedgie. No thanks.

amc:
Better yet? Hemp belts!
And I do not wear elasticized waist jeans, I wear waist high and they do not fall down and why am I even "discussing" this with you...??
(I'm 75!)

Gary said...

Delicate area for me to give advice (not the 'area in question', the question itself...)

I think old fashioned jeans look pretty good on just about any bum they cover. And when people sit down, we don't have to see their below the waist 'cleavage'.

Was I delicate?

Cheri said...

Just say no to crack.

Psychgrad said...

I have yet to understand the merits of low-rise jeans. You know, I've also seen low low-rise jeans. I think they should just call them plumber butt jeans.

Haha...just read what cheri wrote. I'm with her.

cipriano said...

Usually, when I post a comment, I like to be witty and/or sarcastic and/or mildly aggravating.
But in this case, I am going to be purely scientifically accurate.
Recently I bought two pairs [which means just two separate items, not four] of low-riser jeans. It was my first venture into this genre of apparel. Walker style, from Blue-Notes.
I noticed that I had to buy a size smaller than I usually buy. As in, an inch smaller around the waist.
[Bought an extra pair for my brother-in-law, Don.
But then my sister complained, saying she soon got tired of waking up at the crack of Don.]
I long for the days when men were men, and we all wore kilts.

La La said...

I'm constantly on the look out for jeans that SIT AT THE WAIST! I don't think they make many any more.

I have far too many rolls for low rise jeans -- muffin tops are really only suitable for muffins.

I told a boy (senior in high school) last week to pull up his pants. His BELT was positioned around his ASS. He said that's how he wanted it and that he was wearing shorts underneath and for me not to be like his mom who,he said, was also always telling him to pull up his pants.

Good luck with your search for the perfect fit.

Beth said...

I say take the jeans back too...and maybe get a pair that is "mid-rise"...they aren't high and they aren't low....they're jusssssst right.

I have ginormous hips and it seems like I'm always pulling my jeans up!!! and I would not want to scare the general public by showing my butt to anyone....

Beth said...

gary:
Such a gentleman! Yes, you were as delicate as possible considering the "area in question."

cheri:
Succinct. (Advice already heeded.)

psychgrad:
What once once a joke re: males (plumber butt jeans) has now become acceptable (to some) attire for young females. Strange? Maybe not... Wrong? I think so.

cip:
You got me - I'm laughing! I actually thought you were going to be serious.
Get that kilt of yours out of storage!

la la:
Where have I been? This is the second time this week I've heard the expression "muffin tops." Never heard it before.
As for my search for the perfect fit? Ongoing...in many ways. Good luck with yours!

beth:
There will be no public viewing of my butt.
(Will check out mid-rise.)

Shari said...

Nah, I'm sticking with Levi's, Lee's, and Jordache brands that start at the waist. No lowrise for me. Ugh. I don't like them and they don't feel comfortable at all. I bought one a few years ago. Never again. Why does uncomfortable (or uncomfortably revealing) clothes have to be fashionable?

Sorry no advice or ideas here. Comfort is key.

The Guy Who Writes This said...

Suspenders?

Trish said...

Women's jeans are a mystery to me. My solution? Buy men's jeans, I did and they fit great.

Patti said...

Love your new look! (Kidding) I'm short, so low waists aren't so low on me. Still, I miss the good old days when we could buy straight leg Levi's and wear them for 5 years. Now they last less than 1.

patricia said...

I am one of those folks who have ample hips and butt, so for the most part, low-rise jeans are not an issue. (Mind you, I buy the 'wimpy' low-rise version, so they ain't really THAT low). So having sympathy for you because you have no butt or hips...is difficult. ;)

I would say, if you've still got the bill, return 'em! Life's too short to be spending it pulling up your pants all day. And I've heard good things about Mark's Work Wearhouse, too...have been thinking of checking them out...

Mrs. G. said...

Get a bigger ass?

metro mama said...

There is an item to can buy--I call if a "muffin top cover". They sell them at Jean Machine, and basically it's just a stretchy band of fabric you wear over your waist. Hides the muffin top and gives you the layered tee look.

Beth said...

shari:
Agreed - comfort is key. Looks like I bought my first and last pair of low-rise jeans.

guy:
Could do. The thought of suspenders reminds me of my old denim overalls. Wish I'd never given them away years ago. (That was comfort!)

trish:
You certainly look great in your jeans. Thanks for the tip!

patti:
I miss those good old days, too. There is way too much choice now. I think I'll just stick with what has always worked for me.

patricia:
I'll be checking with you Thursday as to what you mean by the "wimpy" low-rise version. Sounds good to me.

mrs. g.:
That would be an easy solution (eat, eat, eat...) BUT would also involve buying an entirely new wardrobe. That would be a horror for me.

metro mamma:
This "muffin top" thing cracks me up. What a visual.
The layered look is always good!

Dorky Dad said...

1. To prove how simple minded I am, I laughed hysterically at the word "shit." That ALWAYS gets me.

2. At least you won't wear them all the time, thereby risking a case of plumber's crack. The low-rise jean fad has given way to a high incidence of P.C. among females. And that's just plain wrong.

Beth said...

dorky dad:
Absolutely NO risk of P.C. here.
(And just so you can have another laugh, I will repeat my complaint - "Shit! What a waste of money.")

Sornie said...

I'm more of a fan of comfort over style. It just makes life easier.

Mom of Three said...

Your butt isn't big enough? Oh you POOR thing! I could loan ya a little!

At least you're not a Cauliflower Girl. That's the name for the girls who wear low-rise jeans and then bubble up over the top?

How do you Canadians stay so thin with all that snow?