Monday, March 10, 2008

Of Interest to Sports Fans Only


Anyone familiar with my passions in life may have noticed a dearth of posts regarding my beloved Toronto Maple Leafs. That’s because they are tanking. Or, have tanked. A playoff spot is but a fantasy.

Toronto is a brutal hockey town. Fans turn on a dime. The vultures and jokesters have been circling for quite a while as the Leafs have been sinking into the abyss.

A friend sent me a “death throes” e-mail. Just to show what a good sport I am, I thought I’d share some (not all) of the amusing bits.

Well, they’re supposed to be amusing.

I’m not laughing. I am very, very sad.


RULE CHANGES

1. The Leafs MUST PROMISE to remember that when the referee drops the puck, this signals the beginning of play. This is to ensure that no more time will be wasted while the Leafs try to figure out what just happened.

2. “Timbits” players will be considered legitimate substitutes.

(Actually, the Leafs have been playing well lately. But, alas, too little, too late…)


Q&A

What do the Toronto Maple Leafs have that the Montreal Canadiens don’t?
Black and white photographs of their last Stanley Cup.

(Last Cup - 1967.)

What do the Leafs and The Titanic have in common?
They both look good until they hit the ice.

What's the difference between the Leafs and a cigarette machine?
The cigarette machine has PLAYERS.


NEW CHANT

“Golf, Leafs, Golf.”

(This is positively cruel.)


Sorry, my boys in blue and white. A winning streak for every last damn game of the season is beyond even my optimistic outlook - and probably wouldn’t make a difference anyway.

Here’s to next year! A new season! A brand new beginning!


(And, Cip, if you read this and choose to leave a comment – be kind. The Senators are struggling and I would NEVER make a crack about them!)

19 comments:

Psychgrad said...

Ouch...

Yeah. the Leafs have been pretty bad the entire year. Making fun of them isn't quite as gratifying when they're at such a low.

Sherry ~ Cherie ~ ms. herbes de provence said...

Beth, as a long time Leafs and Marlies fan (way back in the day!), I have always supported my home town teams. Every year it's the same story here. Will having a new GM make a difference next year? Will Mats Sundin staying make a difference? Will pigs fly?? I, like a lot of other long timers have pretty much said "I'll believe it when I see it". I think part of the problem is we are much too complacent. Sure we gripe and grumble about the quality of the players we have, but we keep buying tickets, we keep showing up and as long as we do -- there's no real need to change. Cause the $$$ (change) is going where they want it.

Beth said...

psychgrad:
I don't really like making fun of the Leafs but if fans waited for them to be on a "high" - they'd never (rarely?) get the chance to!

sherry:
I think if I was consulted on trades, signings, salaries, caps, draft choices, who gets in the line-up - and, yeah, the price of tickets - the Leafs would have a great season!
Do ya think??

oreneta said...

Why are they consistently so miserable anyway? I mean really.

Beth said...

oreneta:
I've given this question a great deal of thought and the ONLY logical answer is that there are NO women involved in the management and coaching of this team. (See my response to Sherry's comment.) Granted, this does not explain the success of other teams, but I do think the Leafs should give it a try. What have they got to LOSE??

La La said...

I'm not a hockey fan, but I feel your pain. I enjoy college football.

Sorry your team isn't going to the playoffs.

Princess Pointful said...

They have been playing well recently, though, for real...
I'm just crossing my fingers that my poor Canucks stick it out until playoff time. Eep.

Shari said...

There's always next season. :)

I just got an email of Favre as an old man in his 50s or 60s, still playing football. Like he'd never retire...

Beth said...

la la:
Good for you! Hope you root for a winning team.

princess pointful:
Those Canucks are right on the edge...

shari:
Ah, yes...you too have suffered this season. Sorry to hear about Favre's retirement.

Cheri said...

Cute hockey jokes. ;-)

Gary said...

Your day will come. It hurts all the more because they had their glory days. At least when the Canucks tank, we never have to remember the good old days.

megan said...

At the risk of inciting your wrath, those jokes are pretty funny. You have to laugh, or you'll cry.

Beth said...

cheri:
I held back the really nasty ones...

gary:
I'm not so sure those glory days will return - at least, not in my lifetime.

megan:
No wrath incited - I smiled at those jokes, too.

Sherry ~ Cherie ~ ms. herbes de provence said...

That's always been the problem at Maple Leaf Inc...they've never had a woman at the helm, or taken a woman's advice..and if they had done...I'm sure you could have whipped them into shape!!

Beth said...

sherry:
Okay, let's figure out how we can get on the Board of Directors and get things DONE!

Dorky Dad said...

I'm from Minnesota. Believe me, I more than feel your pain.

Beth said...

dorky dad:
And I yours....

Brendan said...

I love jokes about groups I know nothing about. (As a measure of my cluelessness about hockey, I was of the impression that all teams made the playoffs. Okay, not really.) The canonical collection remains an email I got long ago that contained jokes that Duke students tell about UNC, and vice versa. Yours fell just a little short, because I actually understood most of them, so the element of surreality was lessened.

Good laughs, though. Sorry for your pain, but thanks for sharing the laughs.

Beth said...

brendan:
Glad I was able to give you a few laughs - at the expense of MY team and MY sorrow.
There were worse jokes in that email I received - I just didn't have the heart to repeat them. (Ever the (semi) loyal fan.)