Thursday, October 25, 2007

Guest Blogger




Regular scheduled programming of BooksEtc. has been interrupted due to the fact Beth is brain dead. (Five hours of sleep a night have begun to take their toll.)

Instead, we bring you Liz – Beth’s alter ego. Nasty Liz emerges when nice Beth has had it.

Liz has some complaining to do. She is easily pissed off. You don’t want to mess with her.

Liz: “Thanks, Beth. Go take a nap.”


Liz’s List of Minor Irritants

People who bring their dogs in stores. I don’t care how cute, fluffy or small your dog is, I don’t want to see it while I’m shopping. Or hear it. And I don’t want it sniffing me – anywhere.

Drivers who consider four-way stops an opportunity to play chicken.

Service, repair and delivery people who promise to come to your home anywhere between 9:00 a.m. and 4:00 p.m. This grants them a lot of leeway while putting me under temporary house arrest.

Items that come packaged in tiny bits of Styrofoam which stick to my fingers and every other surface as I try to dispose of them. I prefer bubble-wrap. You can have some fun with that stuff.

People who play mind games with your head. Life is too short to indulge in such pettiness. It takes two to play. I’m not joining those games.

The fact that you can buy a plain white T-shirt in the men’s department for half the price of one in women’s apparel. A tiny pink ribbon attached at the neckline doubles the price.

Disgruntled customers who turn to the next person in line (me) and loudly voice their dissatisfaction. If you want to complain, have the guts to confront the salesperson. I’m an innocent bystander and don’t care to engage in a complaint-fest. I am not your new best friend.

Voice messages that say, “I am either out of the office, away from my desk or on the phone right now. Please leave a message. I’ll get back to you as soon as possible.”
Define “soon.” Why don’t you call me back? Where are you? Really?


Short list, huh?

Well, Beth insisted that I not get into politics or world affairs. She thinks they’re not my forté - that I might offend. She is such a wimp…

20 comments:

Kerry said...

Oh "Liz"-- dogs in stores are incredibly obnoxious. You are so entirely correct.

Gary said...

Liz, while Beth is asleep feel free to get into politics, religion, gender issues... whatever you want. We won't tell her.

Rebecca said...

T-shirts? Add to that list more expensive dry cleaning (not that I frequent such places) and haircuts.

Five hours sleep? Is that the usual?

All Mod Cons said...

I like Liz! Nice whinge. Where did the dog sniff you? Did you have jam there? What's a four way stop?! Do Hedgehogs use them?

Sherry said...

I'm sorry that Beth is brain dead...may she sleep in peace.

Liz's rants are lovely...I'm with you especially on dogs in stores (that come in cutesy little carrier bags!!!) and repair people who SAY they will come between specific hours and will call first. Rogers is the WORST...if you don't answer that call (heaven forbid you need to pee and didn't bring the cordless with you), they don't come at all and put you back on the waiting list...you have to call them to reschedule another time. Disgusting!!!!

Liz...I could have used here just now..doorbell rings...some guy with "simply energy" wanting to see my energy bill to talk about "protection". Take a hike says the inside of my head..insead I say "sorry, you'll have to come back and discuss that with my husband". He says "oh it's really very simple" as if he hadn't heard me and I said "yes, it is very simple indeed...you.will.have.to.com.back". He looks at me..and says "when". I said "anytime after 7 p.m." and you KNOW he's not coming back!!! LMAO!!!

Beth said...

Liz, I couldn't agree with you more!

while in NC, at Panera, this couple came in, with a stroller. Baby, right? Nooooooooo..........it was a small dog....she proceeded to "stroll" the dog throught the whole mall. Leave that mop at home if it can't walk itself!!!

And why do I have to have a pink ribbon on my t-shirt anyway? I much prefer the cheaper men's shirts.

Go Liz!
Oh, and tell Beth hello and to get more sleep than 5 hours a night!

Mike M said...

Cool list Liz. To bad Beth didn't write it. She would be way more cooler if she felt the way you do about these things

:)

Angela said...

The plaque is priceless! I love stuff like that so much. It's good to let Liz free every once in a while. Beth would suffer for it if you didn't.

And amen, sister, on the mind games. Once I learned that it takes two to play, my happiness increased exponentially as I let go. Cheers!

Mrs. G. said...

And, Liz, can we talk about why it cost twice as much to dry clean a woman's "blouse"...is it only because the buttons are on the left side?

Beth said...

TO ALL:
THIS FEELS WEIRD. I KNOW I STARTED IT, BUT YOU'RE ALL LEAVING COMMENTS FOR "LIZ." NOW, I'M REALLY FEELING A BIT SCHIZOPHRENIC.



kerry:
I should take my dog in a store with me one day - he'd scare the crap out of all those little yappers.

gary:
Actually thought of doing a rant re: China's spacecraft launch (today's Globe and Mail). Words failed me. An unusual occurrence.

rebecca:
What does it say about my clothing that I'm really not aware of dry cleaning costs for women? (Don't answer.) Haircuts, yes.

(If I'm really lucky, 6 hours. And for quite awhile now. Blah.)

all mod cons:
(I love that word "whinge.")
Where do you think those bloody dogs sniff?
A four way stop - two roads intersect with stop signs rather than stop lights - and there are established rules as to who goes first!

sherry:
Liz would never have said, "Come back later." Sometimes they do!!

I caught a real break for next week - I have someone coming between 9:00 and 12:00 rather than 9:00 and 4:00. Lucky me.

beth:
Dog in a stroller. That's a new one for me. Geez.
And even if I'm given a shirt with a ribbon, I'm likely to take it off.
(As for sleep - I know you "hear" me as to fatigue...)

mike:
I'll let her know.
(Your comment made me feel really crazy - split personality, etc.,)

angela:
Re: the mind games. Even though I'm not playing, the game continues. Still learning how to totally "let go."

mrs. g:
Re: dry cleaning and blouses...
See my comment above to Rebecca.
I should be mortified to admit that. But I'm not!
You could be right about the buttons, though...

The Guy Who Writes This said...

I'm liking Liz. You should have a blog just for your alter ego...

Shari said...

Please make the exception for guide dogs in stores. I am suprised that dogs are allowed in stores if they are not service dogs.

Yes, those four way stops!! Sometimes when I know it was the other driver's turn, they are looking at me like, GO!! And I am thinking, "What are you waiting for? The next millennium?"

Beth said...

guy:
Hey, Guy! It's me, Beth! It really is. I think.
(I'm beginning to get a little jealous of Liz's popularity.)

shari:
Of course I make an exception for guide dogs!
And it's not hard to tell the difference between guide dogs and those other pampered mutts.

oreneta said...

Hello Liz....so glad Beth is getting some rest, though you are most entertaining....my sister in Poland got a call one day from the local phone company that they would not be able to install her phone that year, maybe they could do it next year...I have never bitched about the windows in N. Am since. Much. Well, kind of a lot, but now I feel like I am lucky and bitchy all at the same time....

Oh, and what about men's haircuts vs salon prices....grrrr, though the man cuts mine...

Beth said...

oreneta:
No phone installation that year??
That woke me up!

Princess Pointful said...

Liz should come out and play more often!
Why so little sleep? :(

Psychgrad said...

You tell them sister! I agree with disgruntled customers. I always feel like they expect me to be on their side, even if I think they're nuts.

Psychgrad said...

I mean, I agree with what you said about disgrunted customers.

Beth said...

princess pointful:
Liz is around more often than anyone realizes.
(Sleep? Brain won't turn off or stay turned off.)

psychgrad:
My mother is one of those disgruntled shoppers. Hence, do not like shopping with her.

Lainey-Paney said...

well put...LIZ.